Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.
— Matthew 25:40

Close to the time of his death, the novelist and essayist Aldous Huxley said, "It is a little embarrassing that, after 45 years of research and study, the best advice I can give to people is to be a little kinder to each other."

Claudia Greer is a Resource Associate at the Alban Institute. Reach her at cgreer@alban.org.

Sage advice. But truth be told, I've sometimes confused kindness with "niceness," and considered myself to have been sufficiently kind if I was nice enough.

Webster's Dictionary defines "niceness" as being pleasing, agreeable, and respectable. "Kindness" is defined as being sympathetic, forbearing, and compassionate. It is also marked by generosity and hospitality. Clearly the two terms are not synonyms—despite the title of a popular book by Linda Thaler: The Power of Nice: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness.

Are there further distinctions between niceness and kindness? Three come to mind:

First, niceness is ultimately about me rather than you. That's why, if I'm nice to you, it's important that you know it was me. Of what value is it for me to be pleasing to you if you don't know who is acting that way?

Kindness, on the other hand, really is about you. It involves extending generosity, hospitality, and compassion that speak to your situation, not mine.

Second, niceness eventually wants something back. Perhaps the "something back" is the chance to "conquer the business world," as Thaler's book suggests. Perhaps it's the approval of a parent, boss, spouse, or child. But if nothing is reciprocated, one feels a tad empty—and maybe a tad angry.

Kindness, on the other hand, is freely given. No strings attached. The business world need not be "conquered," the pat on the back need not be given. Kindness is its own reward.

Third, niceness is more breakable. Especially when one is under stress, it's easy for the "nice" veneer to wear thin and a less attractive side to show itself (wow, do I have experience with this one!).

Kindness, on the other hand, has a resiliency that endures under stress. In fact, it's in moments of stress that kindness really surfaces.

Don't get me wrong—I'm not suggesting that we stop being nice. Especially in our time, niceness connotes a degree of civility and politeness that goes missing all too often in our public discourse.

That being said, I'm asking you—whether you're nice about it or not—to seriously consider an act of kindness.

On Tuesday, January 12, an earthquake devastated the impoverished island of Haiti. With a magnitude of 7.0, it was the largest earthquake ever recorded for that area. The number of dead from this catastrophe has reached the thousands; the number left homeless is even higher.

The Congregational Resource Guide has published a guide to disaster relief organizations. It lists both religious and secular agencies, as well as agencies that evaluate charities. We especially ask you to consider two groups that are excellent "first responders": Doctors without Borders and World Vision.

You might also consider the organizations listed in Wayne Floyd's Alban Roundtable blog, "Haiti Earthquake Disaster Responses—Commentary and Resources."

Your donations and support for these groups can go a long way toward bringing healing to a vulnerable people who have long been without adequate resources.

Thank you—for your kindness.

— Claudia Greer
January 15, 2010