The How-To's of Constructive Criticism:
Advice for Building a Ministry Team

The pastor who is called to be the head of a large church must deal with associate pastors, staff, directors of youth and education, organists, administrators, and more. The pastor who is the only paid employee of a small church must still deal with those who volunteer services such as Sunday School teaching and office work. In either situation, there are times when the need for criticizing the actions or work of others arises.

Not handling this problem well can open a Pandora's box of trouble. On the other hand, the use of effective approaches can go a long way toward dealing with problems and developing an effective ministry.

The pastor in any position in which the need arises to offer criticism of others—particularly staff or volunteers—would do well to consider the following points.

1. Voice your criticism as soon as possible. It is more natural than waiting a long time and will probably be accepted better. The common response of people being criticized for events that approach historical standing is often, "Well, why in the world didn't you say something about this sooner?" That is a valid response. Pastors need to act quickly.



2. Make only one complaint at a time. One person on a church staff commented after a session with the head pastor, "Boy, he really blew me out this morning." Don't overload the person with a whole list of gripes. It may be too devastating.



3. Don't repeat a point once you have made it. I have often heard staff and parishioners say of a pastor, "I get tired of hearing her say that all the time." If you deliver the same criticism several times you may weaken your own position and lose the respect of others.



4. Object only to actions the other person can change. If your youth director is doing a good job with young people, but is uncomfortable teaching adult classes, don't expect that person to change. Asking people to do things they are unable to do or uncomfortable doing only creates frustration in a relationship.



5. Make criticisms in the form of suggestions or questions if possible. Something like, "I wonder what would happen if you did it this way…" means you are making a positive suggestion and avoiding negative remarks. This often keeps the other person more open to you and builds harmony in the relationship.



6. Avoid sarcasm. This weakens your role model as pastor. It also signals that you are angry at people and your contempt may cause them to feel resentful. When this happens, the enthusiasm for the team begins to wane.



7. Avoid words like "always" and "never." While the scriptures of your religious tradition may be everlasting, your ideas or policies may not enjoy such longevity. Others will trap you, if you change your mind, with comments such ask, "I thought you said we'd never do it that way." Exaggerations make you less believable and place you in a weak position.



8. Don't apologize for your confrontation. The pastor who begins a session by saying, "I hate to mention this to you, but…" is only weakening the message. And you may also be conveying that you are in conflict about whether you have the right to say what you are about to say.



9. Finally, don't forget to compliment others. If you have established a reputation of being supportive of those who share in ministry with you, they may be better able to accept criticism when it comes.

These principles are commonly taught to management in business. They deserve to be considered in congregations as well. If pastors will take them into consideration when working with either paid staff or volunteers, much can be accomplished in building a team for ministry.

-- Charles Dickson

Updated from article appearing in Congregations: The Alban Journal, Vol. XIX, No. 2, March/April 1993, p. 14.

Questions for Reflection:

1. Do you find yourself procrastinating when it's time to give negative feedback or criticism to someone? What is the outcome?



2. What negative feedback or comments have you given that could be re-stated as positive suggestions or questions? How would you state them?



3. The author mentions objecting only to actions someone else can change. How do you discern when or how someone can change an action?



4. In what situations do you feel tempted to use words like "always" or "never"? What other words might be preferable?



5. The author reminds readers to compliment others. How might a compliment make a difference—to the receiver, to you, or to the situation?

 

Additional Resources:

Becoming a Conflict Competent Leader: How You and Your Organization Can Manage Conflict Effectively (Book)
Craig E. Runde, Tim A. Flanagan, Authors. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass, 2006.

As a leader, how do you deal with conflict? Some leaders avoid it altogether while others say and do things they later wish they hadn't. This book provides assessment tools to help leaders understand how they currently handle conflict. More than that, it examines the skills leaders need to handle conflict effectively. Readers will learn self awareness, self control, how to prevent destructive responses to conflict while fostering constructive responses, and how to build what the authors call "conflict competent organizations." Clergy, board members, staff managers, and others who are responsible for organizational leadership in congregations will want to check out this book and its accompanying website, www.conflictcompetentleader.com.
Available from Amazon at www.amazon.com/dp/0787984701.


Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations, and Bad Behavior (Book)
Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, Authors. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill, 2005.

When bad behavior and lack of accountability happen in the workplace, how do you respond? All too often, many people try to avoid difficult—but necessary— conversations. As a result, relationships deteriorate further. This book teaches the skills to conduct difficult conversations in a productive way. In addition to addressing behavioral problems, such conversations can lead to stronger and more productive relationships. Once new relationships are fostered, future problems are avoided or more easily corrected. Examples from work, home, and family life are included. The advice given is drawn from over 10,000 research hours and has been tested by more than 300,000 people.
Available from Amazon at www.amazon.com/dp/0071446524.


Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life, One Conversation at a Time (Book)
Susan Scott, Author. New York, NY: Berkley Books, 2004.

Susan Scott's consulting firm, Fierce Conversations (www.fierceinc.com), offers programs on applying powerful communication principles to foster change. This book, which is based on these principles, encourages readers to have those tough conversations that they may have been avoiding in personal and professional relationships. When the discourse is real, transformation can happen even before a conversation ends. Drawing on case studies from Scott's consulting practice, Fierce Conversations demonstrates the importance of facing issues head-on and getting people to speak what is on their minds and in their hearts. As a result, the air is cleared and tensions can begin to resolve. Workbook exercises guide readers in having significant, "fierce" conversations of their own.
Available from Amazon at www.amazon.com/dp/0425193373.


Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts (Book)
Carol Tavris, Elliot Aronson, Authors. Orlando, FL: Harcourt Books, 2007.

Taking responsibility when things go wrong can be difficult. Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson explain why and offer helpful tactics to overcome the brain's innate wiring for self-justification. Mistakes create cognitive dissonance which must be relieved —often by inventing stories or shifting facts to create a comfortable reality. Based on research and full of illustrative examples from history, politics, business, law, and relationships, Mistakes Were Made explores how self-justification works (it's not the same thing as lying), how it soothes cognitive dissonance, and how it can complicate already-difficult situations. The book concludes with ways to effectively "fess up," take responsibility, and foster healthier strategies.
Available from Amazon at www.amazon.com/dp/0151010986.


Why Employees Don't Do What They're Supposed To Do and What To Do About It (Book)
Ferdinand F. Fournies, Author. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill, 1999.

In straightforward language, Ferdinand Fournies explains the often hidden reasons for poor employee performance. He also provides concrete suggestions for addressing performance problems. Here are some reasons why people don't do what they should: they don't know why they should do it; they don't know how to do it; they don't know what they should do; they think something else is more important; they think they are doing it; no one could do it. After examining these and other reasons and offering responses, Fournies discusses "preventive management" for getting excellent results before problems arise. This volume will help those responsible for staffing both paid and unpaid positions in congregations.
Available from Amazon at www.amazon.com/dp/0071486151.
 

Copyright © 2008 by the Congregational Resource Guide. All rights reserved. This article may be freely distributed, with the following attribution:

Source: www.congregationalresources.org © 2008 The Congregational Resource Guide.